Being in love...

Love is not something this little ghost in a shell feels all the time. i honestly can say that i haven't fallen in love with someone a lot.

Let me tell you what attracts me. I do love a Beautiful face and voice and attitude.... and eyes and hair and a tall height and... ok ok!
you Caught me again! I'm talking about Shou!
[Bahaha! just kidding I'll try to leave him out of this ]
well Anyways I know what kind of guy I like. But i wish those guy's would like me too. Well i wish one would like me more then just a friend you know?
I've been the friend so many times before it starts to hurt when people come to me and ask me to tell my friend about them. Have you had that happen to you? were the Guys/Girls would come to you and talk nice to you only to ask you in the end about your friend?

People don't realize this, but, It really hurts when they look over me to look at the Beauty that is behind me. I've actually, like a loser, cried once before.

this is how and why i finally felt the pain.

The guy i liked, was so nice to me, we had fun talking and shearing stories and in the end, his eyes were looked on someone else. And i was just the door he was sweet talking. when he finally told me "hey" and took me under his arm pulling me over to a side, he got down to my eye level and said to me. "Hey how's your friend? is she single?" crack "can you tell her about me? you know be a pal?" snap "please i'll love you for ever..." broken... [my heart shattering]
what did i do you ask? what could I do?! "yeah... I'll go tell her..." I tore my self from under his arm and as i turned to walk to her i broke in to tears..

I couldn't believe it was happening again. Not him! Anyone but him! this is all i could tell my self as i walked to her, turning away from her and in to the empty hall way.

Why? am i not as beautiful as her? I'll admit she is really beautiful, nice and her dark wavy hair and big black brown eyes are so captivating. But why can't some one see me? just once look at me! Gaze at me at least for a second and think to your self "why not her?"

I feel like a loser. hahaha... crying over memories. Its not like it won't be the last time, right? I should just forget about them and its not like they hurt me to bad, right?

Anyways if you are wondering, I did tell my friend and this is what she said.
" but you like him? what an ass!" so nice isn't she? bahaha. "plus if he wanted to talk to me he should have come up to me, i would have still not dated him." thank you so much.

I will always be the one in the way, the door, i don't think I'll ever be the one some one will ask about. "Some guy's just walk in the light you know..." I think that quote from that movie applies really well with me :)

Well I can think of it this way, at least I'm not the one that is breaking the hearts right? haha!
I don't have to worry about some one wanting to get with me that isn't my type... -sigh- that's loser talk, ne? I guess I'll just keep my eyes on Shou, And keep saving money to fly to where he is, and hopefully we can meet under the same moon in a cold January night. share a smile and part ways... Damn! even in my imaginations i don't get the guy! Bahaha!

Anyways its impossible to be fall in love these days, many people marry because they are looking for safety and money, Beauty and "oh will marrying this guy make my life easier?" What happen to the love? I guess only dogs can really love. They don't care what you look like, smell like, act like, have and don't have, if you love them they will love you back.

Love and Loyalty is what is missing in this harsh world, and it seems that the only people that have those two words in their dictionary are the ones that every one looks through to get to some one else.

I just want some one to look at me! is that so much to ask? Shou can do it! why can't other guys! [bahaha! just had to add him in to it]

Anyways... enough of my pathetic life!! Its Killing me!!!  i will end this post here


From Ms. dying to be the one.