haven't talked...

its been a while and i feel empty without you,
sadly again I am not going to put anything up about the Dir en grey concert, But i will say that it was so much fun and that i had a wonderful time and made friends, every one was really kind and i saw Kyo smile about 3 times or 2. take that people who say he doesn't smile!!

anyways
time has past and a lot of drama has happen. I've got in two fights with en ex-friend and now that i don't have this person in my life i feel way better i guess you can say.

have you ever...

Have you ever just sat your your computer and stared at the screen and wondered, "why do I bother?"
I feel this dead weight hanging off my face, My eyes feel heavy but the sleep never comes. My phone is ringing over and over and my ears can't take anymore of the noise. Laying there in a bed so cold in a lonely room staring at the wall before you wondering what life would be like if you were some one else.
You feel like you finally have given up on the only thing that made you happy, for everyone its a different kind of thing that made them happy, for me it was friendship.
I finally have given up on that which I cared so deeply for. I have finally become my mother.
I have finally made my self believe that I don't need family or friends, I only have my self, my beautifully dreadful self to live with. I'm starting to use "friends come and go but I stay with me for ever" and as much as I always knew it was true, I guess I just didn't want to give up on every one just yet, I wanted a chance to be proven wrong. Not saying all of them proved me right I just think its time I stop putting so much trust on those I want near me for along time.
Its sad because I don't want to live life knowing there is a distance between me and them. I'm hoping that wouldn't be the case and I plus love will find away.
Till I can forget, I will stare at the screen and think to my self, "why do I keep bothering? I know it is always the same every day... why bother?"

Valentines day.... such a hater!

So the holiday we all dread, all of us lonely ladies and don't say you don't you liars! Anyways Valentines is coming up.. are you desperate ones out looking for a quick boyfriend/girlfriend out of your standards to stand till Valentines day then dump them once you get what you want? No? Then get to work!

This day sucks, and I told my self I wasn't going to make it so obvious that I'm single, but screw it! I'm a bit angry that everything on the TV lately is about love and stuff like that and "i finally found my one and only!" when you know they will leave you for the next best thing. What happen to love?
I notice its not the same, its all about looks and stuff like that! "Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her tryin' She's so beautiful" yeah! on the out side why don't you say something about the way she is, Bruno?! Why don't you say something about how you don't care if she is mean to everyone else and shit like that! because most pretty girls are like that!
OH and Ms. thing!! Talking about single ladies! shut the hell up! Why didn't you make that crap ass song when you where a single lady too, hm?! You do this stupid dance through out the whole damn video and tell us that we need to get a ring on it, SO in the end you show off your big ass ring! Ha!
I find my self having to look up old songs!! Songs like True from Spandau Ballet, Open Arms by Journey, my girl or Just my imagination by the Temptations, When a man Loves a woman by Percy Sledge, or Al green's lets stay together etc etc ET fucking C!!
what is wrong with the world?! I can't look at my generation and find a single love song that talks about how the woman makes her man feel or the other way around! These guys really love, they say what is true in their hearts, now all a man can talk about is the way her body makes him feel, and not her soul, her way of being, all of her!
well... I guess i can let Rocketeer slide, but even that song is nothing against the ones i just said.
For those of you who like songs from other languages other then English, because Apparently all music must be in English to be legit, there are still some very good love songs out there! Other Countries with different languages do your best to keep the love going further then the physical!

Anyways! In real life when I'm not complaining I'm really a nice-ish person and I love to help as best I can. my Facial Features aren't bad and with a little help from makeup I can look a little more better. My voice isn't annoying as i like to think and I have a great smile to match my personality very well. I can cook I can clean house and clothing and I know how to give some one their space and time. I'm fun to be with when I'm in my element. I might not dress super good everyday but I can clean up very well and i know what and what not to wear!
So why am i single? I will never know till i'm told. My mother tried to tell me once that the reason is because of my "cock blocking" friends.. "your friends are gay and blah blah"  I told her "I can be more my self with them then you Bitch!" and that was the end of that conversation. So i started to think to my self.. "is it really my friends? Just because their gay or what ever doesn't mean I'm gay!" I thought people new if a girl hangs out with a gay guy then she is straight and has some sense of fashion! I mean I haven't seen a gay guy with a lesbian... maybe I'm just not looking right... hm..

anyways... someday ne? SOME DAY!!

So till I have a boyfriend who loves me so much! I will keep giving my love to my friends! And this year I have enough love to give to two special people! Robert "aka Dreamii" and Jowee "aka Momo"
and I can't show what i have for them till they see it!

Happy valentines day guys! ...... [crying the background]

ah! Sorry Dir en grey!

I went to the dir en grey concert and it was amazing! i haven't written anything new and a lot has gone down.
I will write about the concert later but for now i have a lonely post to write XD

Its coming!!

Haha! it is December first now! And I'm getting more and more excited. I have finally gotten my email i was waiting for, I printed out my conformation thing and I have my ugly ID which one of these days I hope to retake looking smashing! ahaha!

ANYWAYS!! what can I say?! I have to make sure that the House of Blues lets in Cameras. I'm trying to record my self as I count down the days till i get to see the band that is most dear to my heart.

I really hope that nothing goes wrong and if  something does, i hope that it is fixable and i can avoid crying my eyes out.

oh oh oh!! I have to say something!!
When I first heard of the concert I guess i was so excited that i had a dream about it. [i have had 3 dreams before of the concert]
the first one I was waiting with some other girls in the m-n-g room and then we all started wondering around and i was walking with my good friend Glenda when i looked through the crack of the curtain and saw Kyo with his blond hair and it was like we both saw each other which was pretty spooky ahhaha!
i thought to my self ha! that dream will never happen, kyo's hair is black now, well now its blond again ahahah!
ok my second dream! hmm... for some reason i was in mexico and i was talking to Toshiya and Shinya! AHAHAHA!! enough said
my third dream was that I wasn't going to make it in time to see Dir en grey. now that dream was more or less realistic then the rest and it really dramatized me. I have to make sure where i'm going what time i should be there do i have everything i need? its crazy! I'm getting a ride, so i'm constantly telling the person "do you know where it is? are you going to pick me up at this time? i can't make it later then this time, do you know where it is?" i'm crazy!! But after what happen with D'espairsRay, i have a reason to be so scared.
Oh it was a tragedy for me and my friend! we were so looking foreword to it, talking about how we will sing Horizon to call them back for encore, and how we would love to hear this song and that song. then it hits! show is cancelled  "what?! that can't be!" oh but it happened, Hizumi was sick and had to cancel some shows. with my luck there went my show. :(
But this time i'm making sure I don't screw up by saying the P word and I must keep ready for anything that will happen.

Anyways... enough of my super crazy self!

 

theREaLFRiCTIoN!

I am the leader of theREaLFRiCTIoN movement.
I started this gang because I felt lonely when it came to being my self. I didn't want my self or my friends to be labeled as anything other then unique, so I thought out the name REaLFRiCTIoN and now I had a label that I find fitting.
The name ,as my friend thought, is not sexual but to me it is defined more as

Friction- conflict, as between persons having dissimilar ideas or interests; clash 
Real - Genuine and authentic; not artificial or spurious. Free of pretense, falsehood, or affectation. Being no less than what is stated

My goal with this channel is to gather the crazy frEaK people and put them in one room and have one hell of a party. I haven't been doing what I have set out to do with this Channel. But one big thing about theREaLFRiCTIoN is that we are all about friends having a good time together and feeling like we belong somewhere without having to be under the influence of anything but our selves. This is pretty much my goal. And I as the Leader of this gang of frEaK's will make sure that Every one has a place to turn to when you feel like maybe you are the only one.

Keep freaking people out! Keep being the wonderful person you are! Don't change for anyone but your self. TheREaLFRiCTIoN has your back!


We add extra members so often. our motto is just a joke but we like to think that it has something to do with who we add to the 'movement'. We haven't changed the motto because it has a lot to do with how we first started, [the three of us] but we do need to add more to it and fix it, hahaha!
motto: 
"If in your list of best friends you do not include "Hairspray and Hair Wax", you are not part of theREaLFRiCTIoN movement.
If in your Ipod [mp3 or phone] J-rock music does not out number the music that is in English, you are not part of theREaLFRiCTIoN movement.
If you enjoy Jrock music as much as we do that you've almost let it run your whole life.
Then you are part of theREaLFRiCTIoN movement."

we are
ShinyA D'mentia Momo Kay  Dreamii Monkey  Rabit & KyoMura.
 original members where just 3, Kyomura D'mentia and Shinya. but we soon found out that other then our love for the same music we are differen't compared to others here. So I decided to include 4 more unique people.

Lets all have fun, lets stick together and Enjoy life, not throw it away.
I promise you that with your good friends around the troubles in your life will not find you unless you look for them. We will stick together smiling and glowing brighter then the sun. Together we are theREaLFRiCTIoN.

Join the movement  ♥♫♥

ガングロ!

So with some encouragement from many friends I gained the courage to do a ganguro look.
I have to admit I was scared at first, why? I'm not sure hahaha! I guess its because I was kind of scared to see how my face would look like super tan.

So went to the store and bought some bronzer from COVERGIRL trublend minerals called golden sunrise. I didn't think much about the name golden sunrise but when I took it home I think i found out why it was called that, It had bits of glitter. Now I'm not a big fan of Bronzers mostly because I like to stay this light pail tan that I am, but my friends wanted to see it so now I am a proud owner of Bronzer, and I guess I will have to do this style more often.

The funny thing about Ganguro is that its so not me hahaha! Its so bright with colors, glitzy and tan. The hair is the only thing I'm really cool with because I do my hair brighter then my natural color which is a dark brown, almost black. Anyways! enough about how I felt before I was doing this look!

While putting this stuff on I was laughing at how i looked with tan skin and pail lips haha! Then I put on the white around my eyes and thought i looked like a reverse panda, I put on the black eyeshadow and liner, mascara and painted my lips white and added the highlights. I put down my hair and fixed the messy parts, I sticked on some stickers and stuff on my face and I was done, It was time to see the finished product.

I went to the mirror expecting to be horrified! But actually I was shocked that I did a pretty good job at it.

tada! [sorry its do dark]

So I felt like any masked person would, free to do as I pleased.
For some reason i felt liberated to do what ever, dance,be loud, laugh the way I love to, do funny faces. I don't know if it was the rebellious energy of the  Golden skinned ガングロ running through me, BUT I felt so crazy and ready to show of this wonderful look. sadly it was late at night when I decided to do this crazy look so only I and people who have seen my pictures when I posted it up on facebook have witnessed this. But that's ok, I still have a lot of Bronzer left behind! This might not be the only time I do this look. ;)

Ok, I know some people think this look is one of the worse to come out of Japan. I once thought it was outrageous, something I would not like to do my self. But that didn't mean i didn't like The people who did it, if I had a friend that did this look I would have love to hang out with her. I know this look is not for me, But I'm glad I didn't push it away before I tried it. I challenge people to try this look and see what they feel about the look after. I mean I still wouldn't want to do this every day of my life but I honestly felt something when I did this look, and it was fun! 


love, Ms. Enlightened♥