Like_n_ADDICTION...

I seem to be doing everything on my own. I guess I really will not find those I that share the same dreams as me here. I still need to work my way out of here. This place is lonely and everything is to far to walk to.
I feel like I'm the only one that is struggling to get out of the spider web and every one else just gave in to it. I sometimes wonder if that is what I should do myself? Should I stay stuck and let what ever will happen happen, or should I keep finding a way?

It gets tiring being the only one pushing the wall as far as I can. I just want to cry sometimes, I think to my self in anger, these people are loads of shit just piling beneath my feet I just need to get away from them! Sometimes I just want to sit in the middle of my room and cry my eyes out.

JESUS CHIRST

I've been asked why am I not a believer, well its personal but no one seems to understand my reasoning.


admiting:
When I was younger I was in church, I loved going I would sing the songs and all that crap. Its a strange thing to admit because of the way I am now. I was once one of the brainwashed.

When I had that disgusting thing happen to me I didn't turn to my family, I turned to prayer, when i was lonely i turned to prayer, when I was being pushed around and picked on at school i turned to prayer and when i was made fun of at the church i turned to prayer. You know what happen? Nothing. it was plane silence, nothing I didn't feel his arms wrap around me and let me understand that I will get pass this, I didn't see things getting better at School or those ugly laughing faces disappear from those freaks at church, and he wouldn't stop touching me.
where was my savior? where was he when I was brought low down to the grown and walked over, he was nowhere, so much for praising him and thanking him for everything my parents made possible.
My eyes soon saw the ugliness and delirium that is the human race, and I turned no more to the sky above me. If there was really a god why would he let those who have done nothing wrong suffer? oh are you going to tell me that it was a "test"? I've heard it all before, don't waist your breath. I saw what this religion can do and has done, and in history it is written all over, so many where killed and tortured till finally out of instinct to save them selves they agreed to praise a fictional being brought over by the beasts that conquer the North now. History thought me a lot, maybe they should think about stopping History and not evolution. 

Once I gave up the blind fold and opened my eyes, I got my self out of my problems. I raised my voice and did everything my self with no help. I took my self out of those situations not him.

People tell me, it was him helping you find your way, no it was not. get your head out of your ass, once i started to believe in no one but my self I began to become stronger and got my self the help i needed. If all I am my personal Jesus. And not trying to sound all sexist and stuff but why do i need a man to help me out?

just saying.

Makeup! art for the face.

before i changed to go out.

so today i spent it putting on makeup and wigs.
my first look which was in the morning was a Cyber Goth inspired Makeup and wig. I had a lot of fun fixing the Wig. I don't have goth looking clothing. :P my closet is more of a glam-ish Rock look... so i looked like a Cyber Goth on break hahaha!

here is a picture i shall show you two!

 and this is how i went out! i looked so cool everyone had to look. -___-"
I think i did a pretty good job at hiding my eyebrows. I didn't want to shave them, for one i like my eyebrows to much
and two i wouldn't be up to doing my eyebrows everyday
and Cyber Goth would be more of a part time thing ahhaha!

 Later this day after I came home and Took this off, I did one more different look, a bit more earthy with a Asia inspired look. full of color. in this one i think of it more of an Indian or Moroccan theme?
The flower Petals on the eye is a little trick I borrowed from a Woman from YouTube, she is really cool her Channel is named manwomanfilm you should check her out anyways  this is the picture! :D i took and the only one i liked  bahaha!
I think its really pretty and the colors are nice.

Anyways that was my fun for the day. now i need to take off the remaining makeup from face. :P

I will deliver you know i'm a forgiver.

another sob day here in the States, oh tears tears, yeah i get it. People died, others were left behind to grief, sad sad, I wouldn't be such a bitch about this if this topic was left only to one day, not every damn day and chance they get to tell about the great horror that spooked the world. Honestly i feel like their trying to brain watch us with all this war crap. every one is becoming so ignorant here, can't trues anyone else and old hate is still being held in us because of all this crap. I know people died there, i know it was a shock and it was painful at a time, I rather hear about this tragedy once in a while, and not just this but other things. Like WWII. leave it behind you! and if you must bring it up then only do it in the anniversary or some shit like that. 

We hold on to things that just makes us hate, I understand what we are doing, its human nature to remember the dead, but sometimes remembering what has happen to those we love brings hate, and do we really need to be hating anymore right now? we have people who still hate Germans for the things that happened along time ago, and it all started with one man who wasn't even German, all over hate. 

Instead of remembering these things that bring pointless hate and war, why not try to see the good in each other? why not work on the problems together that we all have! like the Planet. All this war will lead to nothing, all this hate will lead to nothing, and when we are done fighting will we have enough energy to work on other things that are more, more, way more important then your little grudge? 

its Pathetic. If i was god this i would not allow this stupidity to go on much longer. 

Grief, cry if you must but remember that not all the human race is the same, because a group or one man or woman started something, it doesn't mean and didn't mean that there were others who thought it wrong and didn't want to be a part of it. 

I have nothing against 911, I am not a hater of 911, this day had happen and I may have not lost some one there or maybe I did, but i will not keep remembering this day as a war against a  race. I will remember this day as a warning sign to keep my self awake and ready for what may come my way. Everything happens for a reason, sadly those people had to die and i wish it wasn't so, there are many times where i wish there was a hero like in the comic's that would have flown up and saved every one.

I may sound at times like an Anti American but its not that, its the Ignorant that i hate and most of the people i am sadly surrounded by are. this wouldn't change my feelings, if i was born in Mexico, in Canada, in Germany, japan or Korea. I will always see how ugly and beautiful the human race is and i will always continue to think the same.  And because i'm from North America i see what is in front of me all the time, i can't speak for or about other countries because i'm not from over there. I'm from here. 

I know i'm not the only one that thinks that some people blow things way out of proportion, and I apologies by the way i sound. but I've had enough with this, "i hate Iraqis we can't trust those Pakistanis" and all that stupid crap! because like i have said to my sister and i will continue to say to everyone, not every one is the same.

that is my lesson for you ignorant Americans and for those who have lost people in this, i apologies.